Well, it seems as though everything has taken a complete three-hundred-sixty degree turn. I am back with Samantha as it seems and life is great in that perspective. She's changed little, but I believe I have come to grips with who she is and the fact she never will change. Everyone else out there is retarded, however, and that's all I will say about that.

On to worse things, the Samsung Instinct must be the worst piece of garbage phone out there. Never buy one. One thing after another will happen to make it worse, and I've been routinely resestting this little nuisance after it freezes. This causes you to lose everything that was saved on your phone. The amount of frustration this phone has caused me is insurmountable.

Also, on a completely unrelated note, I have recently come to realize I have no real friends. Any bonds that have held anyone close to me have ceased to exist, and I realize I am nothing but a nuisance to those who do seldomly hang out. In fact, the only time I have hung out with any of my so called 'friends' is when I have the little lure called Mary Jane.

I'm about sick and tired of people trying to use me, I'm sick of people dropping certain ties with me for no apparent reason, and I'm sick of people making up excuses as to why. If you have a problem with me, take it up with me. Don't say things behind my back and make up shitty reasons as to why you have done what you have done.

I seem to have a habit of making angry rants on here of late, I hope it offends you stupid fucks who read this. I fucking hate you.

I am beyond solid thoughts. I feel like weeping, she is gone. This time truly and I don't think there is any going back. I couldn't have asked for a more pleasant way to end a chapter of my life, especially one that seemed so hectic and stressful at the time. I tried so hard to hold it all together for so long... and not only is the love of my life (current opinion, I suppose) leaving everything behind, every bit of effort spent trying to keep us together seems some how in vain. I feel as though my very being, the core of my existence and everything I am took a metaphorical punch to the head.

Before she left today, she cried on my shoulder for about 15 minutes straight. I couldn't do anything at all to help her. I couldn't even tell her we will be together in the future. I told her I love her, more than anything in the world. That's the truth of it, I told her everything would be alright. And it will.. eventually. When she left today... suffice to say, I didn't want her to go. I wanted to hold her tight..

That song, 'Love Drunk', the lyrics go 'I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover' . These seem to bring into perspective somewhat of how I feel. Only.. I wake up dazed and confused, with a splitting headache.. but I'm still drunk because I drank WAY too much.

Then there's Brooke. That whole situation terrifies me. She reminds me of J so much, only without all the emotional baggage. She's everything good from J, and without any of the bad. I feel horrible about it because I know I'm going to end up hurting her. There's nothing I can do. If I tried to explain to her she would just think I used her. In way she would be right.. I haven't given much back in that way.

Too many hours spent in frustration or utterly depressed. I 'spose it's time to let go.