I am beyond solid thoughts. I feel like weeping, she is gone. This time truly and I don't think there is any going back. I couldn't have asked for a more pleasant way to end a chapter of my life, especially one that seemed so hectic and stressful at the time. I tried so hard to hold it all together for so long... and not only is the love of my life (current opinion, I suppose) leaving everything behind, every bit of effort spent trying to keep us together seems some how in vain. I feel as though my very being, the core of my existence and everything I am took a metaphorical punch to the head.

Before she left today, she cried on my shoulder for about 15 minutes straight. I couldn't do anything at all to help her. I couldn't even tell her we will be together in the future. I told her I love her, more than anything in the world. That's the truth of it, I told her everything would be alright. And it will.. eventually. When she left today... suffice to say, I didn't want her to go. I wanted to hold her tight..

That song, 'Love Drunk', the lyrics go 'I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover' . These seem to bring into perspective somewhat of how I feel. Only.. I wake up dazed and confused, with a splitting headache.. but I'm still drunk because I drank WAY too much.

Then there's Brooke. That whole situation terrifies me. She reminds me of J so much, only without all the emotional baggage. She's everything good from J, and without any of the bad. I feel horrible about it because I know I'm going to end up hurting her. There's nothing I can do. If I tried to explain to her she would just think I used her. In way she would be right.. I haven't given much back in that way.

Too many hours spent in frustration or utterly depressed. I 'spose it's time to let go.