Fuck you.

That's right. I said it. Fuck you. I hate all of you. I'm up at 6 am, and it's your fucking fault. Not that you would even care if you smart enough realize.

You know what sucks balls? When you can't stand your own family. And I don't mean temporarily. I hate my dad, for always yelling when it's not needed. For over exaggerating everything, for constantly making me lower my own eyes because I'm not good enough for him. I hate my mom for being an alcoholic, and then blaming all of lifes problems on my dad. I envy my brother, he got away from this shit. I don't blame him for never wanting to talk to us.

You know what else annoys the fuck out of me? When people don't seem to realize they're being stuck up. Or when they don't realize they're completely ignoring someone. I was suppose to hang out with a special someone yesterday. Well, 2 days ago now. Ended up getting ignored the entire day. Was suppose to hang out with her yesterday. Didn't even show up till a half hour before I had to go get ready for hockey, and by that time had said a total of zero words to me. She walked in the door, and sat on the couch with her best friend. She does it all too often. Sometimes I wonder if it's even worth confronting her about, because it's not going to change anything.

I can't help but think vindictively. I just want to do the same to her. But I can't even get that chance.


Ah,the 31st today. 3 months exactly, I wonder if she says anything. I remember, does she even care?

Anyways, enough of this bullshit. I'm pissed off at more than that. I'm pissed off because exam week went by, and I fucked those up royally. Possibly my entire future in the process. In hockey I try as hard as I can, and it's still not enough to even get a comment like 'good job'. I'm fucking sick of it. I just want to choke myself in the almighty mary jane, and drown myself in my best friend jack daniels.

some people say all it takes is a cry out for help. I've tried that. no one gives a fuck anymore. no one should.

Please, do.

I'm spinning a web,
soft as the finest silks,
inescapable once trapped;
and you won't even realize it.

Entangled in this web,
you will never wish to leave;
so full of wonder,
for there is no better place to be.

Amazing

2 months and 20 days. All that time and not one single problem. My feelings for her have grown 10 fold. Every time I see her I want to grab her hand and not let go. When she talks I can't help but listen, attentively looking her in the eyes. Not only because I want to hear everything she has to say, but because I can't help but get lost as I'm staring. When I'm with her I feel utterly fulfilled, as if everything in life has lead me to that point in time. And when we say good-bye I have this feeling, not emptyness. Hopeful, I look forward to the next time we can meet, instead of sorrow over what I'm leaving behind.

A Goodnight kiss, and a hug filled with more warmth that the sun.

~till the next time...

The Weirdest Dream

Alright, So I was having my monthly 15 hour sleep on a monday night, which usually bodes well for having incredible dreams. As per usual, I was not dissapointed. It started out with me in a medieval setting among others of the same. We were traveling, looking for some sort of witch-king necromancer type dude.

When we found him, I don't know why but somehow we ended up with 2 women and 2 men who could use the 'One power' (from Robert Jordans Wheel of Time), and when we camped out the night before we attacked the witch-king they all went insane and started hitting eachother with lightning and fireballs and shit. It was insano crazy, then the witch-kings minions started attacking us! So I thinking pretty much 'fuck this shit, I'm outta here,' So I pretty much ran fighting my way through everyone. I got outside these walls that I found and they were all shouting at me and shit, and I was ontop of this huge hill all noble like when they started hurling lightning bolts at me!

So after that I'm not quite sure what happened, but I think while I was running away I met up with someone, and we hid out at a lake. At this point the medieval theme seems to go away. I don't know how or why but we are still being chased by these minions so we jump in this car and cruise down the highway, dodging traffic. Then, I see Samantha on the side of the road walking, so I goes to pick her up I does! And when I did she had her friend with her, not sure who but she had a quad and went on about how she and her friends get their men to do anything they want.

Then BAM, outta no where this gang of quads comes up with all her friends and there's an extra quad for me and Sam. So I take it, of course, but I can't drive it so I gave it to Sam! So we're driving along, and it turns into a race with her friends, at this point I somehow gained the quad again and we were racing through bush and swamps in the mountains. All of a sudden there's a cliff off ahead and the other quads swerve outta the way, but I'm stuck in a rut and I plunge over the edge, signaling the end of my dream.

Crazy, crazy shit.

Blogging blog!

So, welcome to my blog. I'll be blogging quite frequently, most likely. I have alot of things to rant about. Most of these things probably won't make much sense, I'm quite a stubborn bastard and with no right to be one! I suppose that makes it a more interesting and controversial read. As well, I like to muse myself talking about things I don't understand, much like my first blog.

Now then, I just found a quote that struck me as completely true:
"While one person hesitates because he feels inferior, the other is busy making mistakes and becoming superior."

I like this particular quote because it is true, the more mistakes you make the more experience you have. The more experience you have... the better you are for it. I see people who hesitate to make mistakes of their own all the time, and I can't help but shake my head and volunteer. I don't understand what people think they have to lose.

I believe a deeper understanding is required, perhaps I should look into it sometime.